Love & Euphoria

Remember that feeling of love and euphoria that I described in my last post? You know, the one that I thought should be bottled and given away, convinced that it would end all wars and lead to world peace….. Well, don’t believe a word of it!

The love and euphoria is, in fact, strictly limited to your new family only. It definitely does NOT extend to the ignorant slob of a woman in the bed opposite who spent the hours of darkness impersonating (in looks and sound) a warthog with bad sinuses. The snoring was the loudest I have ever, ever heard. Worse even than Google Daddy after a night out on the beers with his Scottish pal.

And if the bloody snoring wasn’t bad enough, Ignorant Slob also decided to leave her TV on all night – just at the really irritating level….not so loud it’s blaring but loud enough to irritate the hell out of you.

And just in case you think she’s any better during waking hours, she’s not. I have never heard anyone whinge and whine and moan and complain as much as, or as loudly as, Ignorant Slob.

Today, I have heard the same tedious, and frankly not very significant, complaint at least 25 times. She has told every single person that has passed her bed or caught her eye. She’s tried with me but got short shrift. I thought this would mean a brief respite for my ears from her rough South London tones. But no, she phoned her Mum and complained to her. Again.

I turned to my friend Google, in this my darkest hour, to find a solution. It referred me to some self-help stop snoring in five easy steps type page. It proffered the genius idea of a chin strap, the theory being that it holds the snorers mouth closed when asleep so they have to breathe through her nose, et voila! No snoring.

Now, for those clever readers who are one step ahead of the game, you’ll also realize that the chin strap would also be a great way to make Ignorant Slob shut up during the day as well. Ah, Google my friend, you never let me down. Now, if only I could find a Midwife willing to tie some bandage around Ignorant Slob’s head…

Photo taken from Sujathanfan's photostream on Flickr.

It's Time!!

Aaaaaaarrrrrggghh. It’s Time!!

OMG!

It’s happening.

It’s all going to happen today.

It’s scary.

It’s exciting.

It’s amazing.

It’s time to go to hospital.

I’ve got the bag. Google Daddy-to-be is ready and raring to go! Google Grannie-to-be is ready to wave us off.

Should I Google ‘Is this going to hurt?’

No, there’s no time, and I guess I already know the answer……..










Photo taken from Buteijn's Photostream on Flickr

What's In Your Bag?

Right – it’s time to get serious. The due date is looming so I’ve got to get organized and to pack the hospital bag. I’m guessing I need a nightdress, toiletries, a book and a camera.

My mum, aka Google-Grannie-To-Be, laughed at this list when I told her and said at best I’d need a trashy magazine with lots of pictures and minimal text as the chances of reading a book at any stage in the foreseeable future were slim to say the least. She also said that I might want to think about packing a few things for the baby.

She is such a know it all….

Anyway, those who know me know that I don’t do packing. It’s a chore too far. I’ll organize and book holidays, but I don’t do packing. Thankfully, the husband, aka Google-Daddy-To-Be, is a LEGEND at packing. I sit and point at things that I need to take away and, hey presto, 30 minutes after we arrive at our destination, all my clothes, shoes, toiletries, bags etc are unpacked and ready to use. It really is a skill that every girl should insist on in a husband.

So, I’m hoping he’s going to extend this 'packing for holiday' skill to 'packing for hospital', although this is not without risk given that neither of us have ever stayed in hospital before so we’re not really sure what we need.

Google to the rescue! This time in the shape of Little Stork who prepare and pack your hospital bag for you. They do four different bags: Essential, Original, Deluxe and Mother of All Bags. Guess which one appeals to me?

I’m loving the going home outfits for baby and mum – and there’s even stuff for the new Daddy. It is the celebrity hospital bag du jour and apparently loved/used by Gwen Stefani, Brooke Shields, Martina McBride, Marcia Cross, Rosa Blasi, Michelle Williams and Jaime Pressly. (Does it matter that I don’t know who all those people are?).

This is an American based company, but surely there is a market for one here in the UK. I think Google-Daddy-To-Be should consider a career change….

Picture taken from Rosemea's Photostream on Flickr