Snow, More Snow, and Google The Killjoy

Snow, snow, fabulous, fluffy, wonderful snow. It’s everywhere! You can’t see the pavement, the cars, the road, it’s almost covered houses.

There’s a snowman in the park that is over 8 foot tall.

Gawd, I love the snow.

Google Baby loves the snow. I have decided.

In fact, it seems everyone loves the snow. Everyone except Google, who is a great big fat killjoy.

Why?

Well, I wanted to take Google Baby out for his first foray into snow heaven. So I asked Google:

Can I take Google Baby tobogganing?

Can I roll Google Baby in the snow?

Can Google Baby build snowmen?

Can Google Baby play snow ball fights?

Can Google Baby make snow angels?

And Google said

No

No

No

No

No.

Pah.

Anyone would think Google Baby was only a few months old……

So, instead, we’ve watched the big flakes fall from the window where we also watched people slip and tumble and get hit by snowballs (*snigger*). Then we went for a very short walk so some flakes could fall on his eyelashes.

I took a disproportionate number of photos for the time we were actually outside, but it's snow and i just had to. Come on!! It's his first snowy day. And it's proper snow. Like the snow we used to have when I was a kid (gawd, I sound old...).

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow……

The photo is from ANarahari's photostream on Flickr

It's Time!!

Aaaaaaarrrrrggghh. It’s Time!!

OMG!

It’s happening.

It’s all going to happen today.

It’s scary.

It’s exciting.

It’s amazing.

It’s time to go to hospital.

I’ve got the bag. Google Daddy-to-be is ready and raring to go! Google Grannie-to-be is ready to wave us off.

Should I Google ‘Is this going to hurt?’

No, there’s no time, and I guess I already know the answer……..










Photo taken from Buteijn's Photostream on Flickr

What's In Your Bag?

Right – it’s time to get serious. The due date is looming so I’ve got to get organized and to pack the hospital bag. I’m guessing I need a nightdress, toiletries, a book and a camera.

My mum, aka Google-Grannie-To-Be, laughed at this list when I told her and said at best I’d need a trashy magazine with lots of pictures and minimal text as the chances of reading a book at any stage in the foreseeable future were slim to say the least. She also said that I might want to think about packing a few things for the baby.

She is such a know it all….

Anyway, those who know me know that I don’t do packing. It’s a chore too far. I’ll organize and book holidays, but I don’t do packing. Thankfully, the husband, aka Google-Daddy-To-Be, is a LEGEND at packing. I sit and point at things that I need to take away and, hey presto, 30 minutes after we arrive at our destination, all my clothes, shoes, toiletries, bags etc are unpacked and ready to use. It really is a skill that every girl should insist on in a husband.

So, I’m hoping he’s going to extend this 'packing for holiday' skill to 'packing for hospital', although this is not without risk given that neither of us have ever stayed in hospital before so we’re not really sure what we need.

Google to the rescue! This time in the shape of Little Stork who prepare and pack your hospital bag for you. They do four different bags: Essential, Original, Deluxe and Mother of All Bags. Guess which one appeals to me?

I’m loving the going home outfits for baby and mum – and there’s even stuff for the new Daddy. It is the celebrity hospital bag du jour and apparently loved/used by Gwen Stefani, Brooke Shields, Martina McBride, Marcia Cross, Rosa Blasi, Michelle Williams and Jaime Pressly. (Does it matter that I don’t know who all those people are?).

This is an American based company, but surely there is a market for one here in the UK. I think Google-Daddy-To-Be should consider a career change….

Picture taken from Rosemea's Photostream on Flickr

Boy or Girl? Part One.

If I had a pound every time someone asked me ‘Do you know if you're having a boy or a girl?’ during my pregnancy, then I would never need to go back to work. Surprisingly, most people have been really irritated when I tell them I don’t know. Their initial response is disbelief, so they ask again. When they realize that you really don’t know, then they ask ‘Did you not find out at your 20 week scan?’. Erm, still no!

Anyway, if I had found out at the 20 week scan then I would have missed out on the constant speculation by random people as to whether it is a boy or a girl. If I had a pound every time someone told me ‘It is definitely a girl’ or ‘It’s definitely a boy’ then my husband and I would both be able to give up work.

Still, I love hearing all the different old wives tales that are apparent indicators as to whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Some of my faves are:

Shape of your bump. If your bump is all at the front and high, it’s a boy. If you have gone lardy all around, including not just your belly but also your back and arse, it’s a girl. Hmm, not sure about this one! What if you were lardy to start off with? What if your baby engages early and so sits low? My bump is all at the front and quite high, so this means boy, but then my baby is currently in breech position and hasn’t engaged. Surely that is a more credible reason for the bump being all front and high!

The Mayan Method. The Mayans determined the sex of the baby by taking the mother's age at conception, and the year of conception. If both are even or both are odd, it's a girl. If one is even and one odd it's a boy. I’m 34 and conceived in 2007. So this one says it’s a boy.

Heartbeat of the baby. The fetal heart beat, as taken by your midwife in your antenatal appointments, is apparently a great indicator of the sex of the baby. 140 beats per minute and below means it’s a boy and 140 and above means it’s a girl. According to my midwife, there is some mileage in this! So get checking your antenatal book! My baby’s heart rate has been in both the 130 and 140+ range so he/she isn’t giving much away!

The swinging wedding ring. A wedding ring suspended on a chain over your stomach will swing either side to side or in a circle to indicate boy or girl. A few of my friends have done this on me. One couldn’t remember if circle meant boy or girl, the other said circle for boy and side to side for girl and the last one side circle for girl and side to side for boy! So, in the face of such utter confusion, I turned to Google to find the answer.
Now, I assumed that this confusion spoke volumes about by friends rather than the test but apparently not! This confusion has been validated by Google! I found three separate articles about this, two of which said side to side meant boy and one of which said it meant girl. Best we ignore this one then!

But!!!! More importantly, when I was having a scoot on Google for boy –v- girl tests, I did find the IntelliGender Gender Prediction Test.

How good is this?? Pee on a stick and in less than 10 minutes, you’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl! It’s witchcraft!

Apparently, yellow/orange means girls and smoky green means boy (that’s smoky green, not just green, mind!). I can’t help thinking that if they were REALLY clever, it’d be pink for a girl and blue for a boy, but maybe I’m going a bit too far there.

Unfortunately, I’m passed the 33 week time scale but for all you ladies that aren’t – order it, have a go and let me know once you’re baby arrives if it worked!

Photo taken from 2002ttory's photostream on Flickr

The Rules

Blagging motherhood is fractionally more serious than blagging in the business world so I’ve decided there have to be rules.

So, here they are:

1. All problems and queries must be Googled.


2. Once a solution is found via Google, it is OK to then diversify and look at other websites/books etc, but not before.

3. Clearly, these rules do not apply to medical emergencies

4. Unquestionably, I’m allowed a certain number of wild cards – i.e. I can phone my mum rather than Google if I’m knackered/hormonal/PMT/can’t be arsed Googling.


5. My husband is not allowed to divorce me on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour because I am Parenting the Google Way.




6. I accept no responsibility whatsoever for the correctness or suitability of my, or Google's, suggestions and answers and will not be held accountable for any criticism you receive from health visitors. However, should they prove to be incredibly successful, I fully expect to receive all credit and praise via Comments.



7. Finally, it’s my blog and it’s my baby so all rules are subject to change at my discretion, should

I have the energy / be able to stay awake long enough to think of any new ones.





Image taken from Charith's photostream on Flickr.

A Professional Blagger Blogs

I am a blagger. It’s my job. It should really be written on my business card. Professional Blagger BA Hons (Blagging). It’s what I do to pay the bills, but more than that, I do it because it’s fun and I enjoy it. For some reason, pretty much out of thin air, me and my friend Google come up with solutions for businesses all at a phenomenal cost. It’s not difficult. You really don’t need to know much about anything really. As Malcolm Forbes once said “It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem”. Well, that pretty much sums up me and my job!

But my 9-5 is about to change.

In the next few weeks, I will, for 12 months, hang up my Professional Blagging Boots and instead become a full time mother. Yes, reader, I am about to walk away from the security of a slightly deranged but the ‘devil I know ‘office environment and walk blindly into my new role of motherhood.

When I first found out about the pregnancy, I took it as a sign to grow up and be serious. Time to stop making things up and blagging my way through life.

So, off I went to the book shop to find out how to raise a baby. There’s something about reading a book about that feels just……right. Like being at school. It makes sense that whatever is in the book is gospel. That’s it, it’s like the bible. It’s got to be right if it’s in a book.

Except, of course, it isn’t. Authors blag more than I do! You can say anything in a book and get away with it. Talk about confusing. Gina says this…. Dr Spock says that… Miriam says the other.. Supernanny says something altogether different… Aarrgh!

So, let’s rule out the pregnancy and parenting books. All of them. If they are full of blag then who’s to say that I can’t do better? Can I, a professional blagger, find the answers to successfully get through the first year of my baby’s life? Can I, armed with my trusty lap top, get through each dilemma and distraction the baby throws my way? Can Google give me the answer to every baby rearing dilemma?

We are about to find out……