Going Out Without Google Baby

How to Cope on your First Trip out Without Google Baby

OK, so we’ve established that heading out avec bébé is fraught with difficulties and requires military style organization. So, surely the answer is to occasionally call on Google Grannie to baby-sit and head out without Google Baby?

Just think, you can leisurely get ready, match your shoes and bag and try on five different outfits before rushing out of the house with gay abandonment. It’s all about YOU!

Bliss!

Except, back on Planet New Mummy, of course it isn’t. It’s still all about Google Baby.

Getting ready to go out without Google Baby takes just as long as it does going out with him. You and those new friends Preparation, Planning and Packing will need to hold a board meeting with Google Grannie. Matters to discuss include:

1. Here are the bottles (Do NOT under any circumstances say, ‘The bottles are in the fridge’. Google Grannie must be escorted into the kitchen where the fridge door is opened, said bottles are pointed to and Google Grannie is told ‘Here are the bottles’).
2. Here are the nappies. (see above)
3. Here are the wipes. (see above)
4. Here is the cream. (see above)
5. Here is the change mat.
6. Here is his favourite toy.
7. Here is his favourite book.
8. Here is his favourite CD.
9. Here is his room.
10. Here is the cot.
11. Here are his clothes.
12. Here is the bathroom.
13. Here is the bath.
14. Here is the organic, baby friendly, purer than the driven snow, bubble bath.
15. Here is his face cloth.
16. Here is his towel.
17. Here is the baby monitor.
18. Here is how you turn it on.
19. Run downstairs and tell me if you can hear me.
20. Can you hear me?
21. Can you hear me now?
22. Is it not working?
23. It’s not working!
24. Shall we go to the shops and buy another one.
25. What? Oh, right, yes, go on then. Switch it on at the mains on the wall.
26. That’s it. Is it working now?
27. Can you hear me? Good.
28. I’ll have my mobile with me at all times.
29. Call me now and check it’s working.
30. I’ll phone you when we get there so keep the phone with you AT ALL TIMES.
31. I’m going!
32. Bye, bye Google Baby.
33. We love you Google Baby.
34. Ahh, look at him. Isn’t he gorgeous?
35. OK, I’m going. I am.
36. I'm going. I'm gone.

37. I'll just give her a quick call.

Etc. etc. etc.

Get the picture??

So how do you cope with this separation anxiety?

I realized I actually seriously needed help when I turned to Google to ask ‘How to Cope with Separation Anxiety’ and found that all the answers related to managing your child’s separation anxiety when you are not with them, as opposed to my separation anxiety when I’m not with him.

Needless to say, he had a great evening with Google Grannie and didn’t even notice that I wasn’t there.

Hmm…..

Photo is from CuriousArt photostream on Flickr

Heading Out With Google Baby

Getting Organised for Your First Trip out With Google Baby


Remember the good old days when you used to ‘pop out to the shops’ or ‘nip out to meet a friend for a bite to eat’ or make a ‘quick detour to the pub on your way home’?

Pop, Nip and Quick, your friends from yesteryear, have dropped you like a hot potato, traded you in for a hip young thing with the slim windows in their diary that necessitate a pop, nip and quick. Leaving you stuck with your new friends Preparation, Planning and Packing.

Here’s the reality of Your New Life: If you need to go anywhere, near or far, for minutes or hours, you need to hold a full board meeting with your new Board Members, Preparation, Planning and Packing. Here is the agreed Agenda:

1. Where are you going?
2. Who will be there?
3. What is the weather like?
4. Is the weather likely to change when you are out?
5. When did Google Baby last feed?
6. When is Google Baby’s next feed due?
7. Should we get everything ready just in case the baby wants to feed early?
8. Should we change baby’s nappy now or wait?
9. Should we pack a nappy to change baby when we’re out
10. Should we take a spare nappy in case we need to change baby again when we are out?
11. Should we taken an extra nappy just in case?
12. Or 2 extra nappies?
13. Have you packed the wipes and cream?
14. How many muslins are in the bag?
15. Should we pack a couple more in just in case?
16. Is there a change of clothes in the bag?
17. Should we pack an extra cardigan in case it gets cold?
18. Should we pack an extra blanket?
19. Shall we take that gorgeous blue elephant teddy that he (you) likes
20. And the fabric book Day at the Farm?
21. And his music cd for the car?
22. And the toy that attaches to the pram?
23. Do we need the sun shade?
24. Do we need the parasol?
25. Should we take the rain cover, just in case?
26. What about sun cream?
27. Should we put a cardigan on him now or is it ok?
28. Don’t forget the change mat?
29. And another nappy, just in case.
30. Don’t forget to pack the Dettox antibacterial ‘kills all known germs dead so leave my precious little baby alone you horrible germs’ spray
31. And some tissues
32. Have you got any money?
33. Have a look in his money box but make sure you pay it back
34. Stick an IOU in so you don’t forget
35. Or a cheque
36. Are you going to change out of your pyjamas?
37. What do you mean nothing fits you?
38. See, that outfit looks really nice. No one would know that you’ve just had a baby
39. Wait. What’s that wet mark, oh, I think you might need to change your top
40. I'll go and put this in the wash then.

41. Yes i do have to do it now as i only have two bras.
42. I think maybe I’ll feed him now before we head out.
43. And then I’ll change his nappy.
44. OK, let’s go!
45. Just put another nappy in the bag just in case


Exhausted?

Welcome to your new life!

Photo is from hey-gem on Flickr