Parenting The Google Way Begins

My first problem to Google has two parts:

Part One - Why Are So Many People Stupid?

Part Two - Said Stupid People have asked me “What on earth will you do when you’re off work before the baby arrives. Won’t you be bored?”

Erm.
Dur!
Hello??

Free time. Away from work. Whilst still being paid.
Bored??
ARE YOU INSANE???

Time off on maternity leave before the baby arrives is fabulous!

Admittedly, I’m big and fat and slow and need to take regular rests but that’s what’s so great about shops, restaurants and coffee shops. No one challenges a pregnant lady. I had a lie down on a bed in a posh department store the other day. I lay there, propped up by countless fluffy pillows and read my book and drank a bottle of water. I chilled out for about 20 minutes. Did anyone bother me? Not a chance! The bump repels people! They are scared you'll cry or go into labour!

Anyway, I digress. I was talking about stupid people. I Googled 'Why are some people stupid' and I’m afraid Google did not enlighten me much. But, it’s not really a parenting question, so I’ll let it off.

So, then I Googled, ‘What to do on maternity before baby arrives’.

Apparently, there are LOTS of stupid people in the world as Google came back with pages and pages of hits on what to do. One article at Babyzone.com came up with a whole host of ideas, which fell into two categories. (1) The Obvious and (2) The Ridiculous. You can read the whole article here

But to surmise….

(1) The Obvious

· Soak in a bath. Put lots of oils in and make like a hippo in the midday sun and wallow in the water.

· Indulge in a favourite hobby/pastime. Yes – you read it right. GO SHOPPING

· Plan a picnic. AKA eat lots of food.

· Catch up with friends. The natural balance of friendship returns. They still secretly think you look fat even though they say you are blooming. You don't give a stuff what they think as you no longer have to go to work and they do. Mwaaaa haaa haaaa haaaaaa.

· Have a good laugh. See above.

· Buy a nursing bra. There's no excuse for saggy boobs, ladies. Get it sorted.

· Visit the hairdressers. Go on. Get your hair dyed purple just for a laugh and blame it on your hormones.

· Have a manicure and pedicure.

· Have a massage. Just make sure the person knows what they are doing!

· Sleep. Yes, yes, yes, yes! Marvellous idea. Stock up on it while you can!


(2) The Ridiculous

· Meditation. Why oh why does everyone insist of peddling this myth that as soon you become pregnant you turn into this serene tree hugging earth mother with nothing better to do than meditate. Forget it. If you didn't meditate before, don't start now. Go shopping instead.

· Go to the Movies. Erm, really? Have you tried sitting in a confined space with a big belly ? Aching bum and dead legs here you come!

· Go on a hot date/romantic vacation. Seriously ladies, now is not the time to embark on an illicit affair. Nor is it likely that any airline will let you on a plane in your current state.

· Take Care of Business. Huh? You're pregnant. DELEGATE, DELEGATE, DELEGATE!


Tune in next time for a, hopefully, more challenging and interesting problem. Until then, get out and enjoy yourself!

Photo is from Women, Fire & Dangerous Things' photostream on Flickr and i think it's hilarious.